Some of you may know that I like to think up new options for professional sports that would make watching the games more exciting. For example, in football, I conceived of what turned out to not be a new idea, The Fumble Ruskie. Oh well.
However, this week has inspired a whole new class of sports governed by the Centers for Disease Control. There is only one event to date, it's call The Rotovirus 4x4 Relay. Perhaps some of you have been or are participating in this event as I type [Trevor]. Here's how it goes:
The entire family's participation is required.
The mother and father are required to participate in 4 out of 4 legs.
One team member must be a helpless infant.
Batons consist of empty bottles of: Clorox, Lysol, Clorox Clean-Up and Clorox Wipes.
Leg 1: The baby contracts the illness first and harbors it the longest. Parents may no longer use wipes due to raging diaper rash and resort to damp paper towel after the wash cloths are no longer clean due to laundry back-up.
Leg 2: The Mother contracts the illness and is sidelined from caring for the rest of the family save for short bursts of engergy...which are reserved for treating stains and doing laundry and general disinfection of the household.
Leg 3: The Father contracts the illness just as the Mother seems to be picking up steam. His short bursts of energy are conserved for coating the interior of the house in Lysol and opening and closing windows.
Leg 4: When it seems inevitable that older sibling has dodged the Roto bullet and has attended both gymnastics and a bowling birthday party, thereby exposing hundreds to the virus, she contracts the illness. Seemingly uneffected by the symptoms, she has to be reminded to "toot only in the bathroom."
Each leg begins 24 hours after the last leg begins; e.g.: Leg 1 starts on Wednesday, Leg 2 starts on Thursday, etc.
Winning is determined only by your survival and you may rely on medical advice. Good luck!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
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